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No, darling, it's not that you can't do it ...

Publié le par Charly C.

... it's that you don't want to do it. There's a difference there.

Hello everyone!

You probably wonder what's this title all about, though it should be self-explanatory. Yet, i need to rant and get angry at certain people and at myself as well, and my blog is the best place and way to do this. 

It's less damaging and maybe, just maybe .... maybe? 

Outcast - Miss Jackson video still; copyrights belong to the creators/band

someone [including myself] will understand this, and stop saying "i can't" and just admit you don't *fducking* want to do whatever there must be done. 

rollback film to what started this rant

Except there's no film to roll back, and i have to explain the situation. if you don't want to read the backstory, feel free to scroll down to the next title. 

This past week [10 to 16 of july 2022] we went out on a very hot day for some beauty treatment. Seeing it was so hot, we decided to have some ice cream, though all we wanted was to drink something.

We found this *NEW* ice cream place uptown that used a chimney cake, aka Kürtőskalács, as the cone for the ice cream. There aren't many flavors of ice cream to choose from, but their names were really cool: fashion vibe or strawberry vibe. This is what they look like: 

As you can (or maybe not so much), the fashion one (on the right), is actually cocoa ice cream with pieces of chocolate, and with the chimney cake covered in cocoa powder. That one was my ice cream. The other one was anna’s and she didn’t want to eat it right away. 

Taking it home was troublesome for this Vibe place didn’t have anything to carry the ice cream in. Luckily, the area has plenty of other options for ice creams and many have containers for takeout.

So, we went to the nearest one, and I asked for one such container. Not for free, mind you. And the cashier says “oh, sorry, I don’t have containers!” They were piled RIGHT behind her! Everyone could see them!

I had to point out that my ice cream was melting and making a mess in her store. That was when she decided to ask her supervisor what to do. This situation turned my into THAT customer that says "can i speak with a manager? :) " 

cats don't want to

‘Can’t’ - reserved for very few instances 

1. PTSD or phobias

These are mental health issues that are difficult to ’cure’ or overcome. They simply incapacitate the sufferer from doing whatever caused them to suffer in the first place. 

Not everyone might suffer to the same degree from the same issue. For instance, I can’t watch scenes with folks trapped in tight spaces: I feel as if I am in their shoes and I start panicking and hyperventilating. Others in the same situation as me might have a different reaction. 

 2. Lack of knowledge

Let's say, you just start learning something new just for fun, or for whatever reason. Someone asks you to help them with a project in your new area of study. All sounds nice, and they even offer to pay for your service.

The problem is when they ask for help on something you didn't get to study yet or is a bit too difficult for you to understand.  

3. Other plans

Let's say you might plan on meeting with your friends a few days in advance, but then you forget or something else comes up that needs your urgent attention. 

In such a case, you clearly have to say "I can't, something else came up that is more important." You don't really need to explain more than this unless it's a close friend. 

4. You're simply unable to do something 

This usually applies to those with a disability. Let's assume you have to climb some stairs, but you're bound to a wheelchair and there's no ramp available. Sadly, there still are places in such a state. It's not as if you're going to crawl to wherever the stairs go. 

It also applies to doing something that goes against your beliefs. This can be related to consuming alcohol, smoking (anything), sleeping with someone to whom you're not married, etc, etc.

Should any of these be the case, it's PERFECTLY fine and acceptable to say "I can't" and you could explain why as well unless it's visually noticeable. 

©Charly Cross 2013 - present. All rights reserved.

Do you want to buy me a coffee? this is a 1-time donation, thank you very much!

The first image belongs to Outcast and is shared for educational purposes.

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On body shaming - stop this behavior!

Publié le par Charly Cross

We all have issues with the way we look. We can never be happy with the bodies we got from Mother Nature.

 

We always want to modify something about it: hair color and type, eye color, get longer legs, bigger boobs or bottoms. Everything can go under the knife. And if we're labeled fat, or anything over that, we have to lose weight. WHY?

 

Because society got brainwashed by pretty looking images seen in movies and ads in which people on the slender side, were featured. They were portrayed as happy and functional. Now everyone seems to associate "happiness," "being functional," and being "thin" or "slender." Anything else means we failed.

 

I have an average looking body, and according to my BMI [which apparently isn't enough to determine just how fat a person is, but does help to some extent] I'm a person with a normal weight. I still think I could lose some 10 kg - don't worry, I would still be consider "normal" weight for my height. [In fact, I gained 7 kg in 2 months last year.]

 

I admit I kinda think poorly of people I see as "fat." I'm not shaming them - or at least I'm trying not to do it anymore. Because I realized I was being mean for nothing: it wasn't MY problem to deal with. THEY are overweight, NOT me. It's not me who suffers more because of extra weight, but them. They surely know it, and they don't need me to remind them of this.

 

I came to realize some people have health problems that make them gain weight. I get that, and I feel bad for laughing or judging those who fell victims to these health problems. IF you belong in this category, I'm sorry. I was ignorant and mean, but now I know better. Or trying to know better.


 

Sometime in the past month I read an article about being fat, and some of the problems associated. Well, ok I'm lying as I forgot what the article was about, but one of the comments stood out.

 

It was hilarious, and I wanted to be able to remember it in the future. You can read it below. Sadly, the author had no name: the author's name was either "Anonymous" or "no name." Their comment is not mean, but it can pass as such. In any case, you decide for yourself, as I copied and pasted as it was written there:

 

here's a test that involves just 3 steps to determine if you're fat - 1) get naked 2) get in front of a full length mirror (preferably at home but to each their own) 3) take a good look at yourself and ask "am I fat?"

here's a 4 step way to change being fat - 1) only eat healthy food (it's much easier to lose fat when eating nothing but very healthy food) 2) burn more calories than you consume (it doesn't even matter how you burn them, just burn them all day long) 3) get on a regular sleep schedule (this is much more important than many people give it credit for being and will also help with a plethora of other health related issues) 4) buy a year long calendar, hang it on the wall and circle today's date; then accept the fact that it took you a long time to get fat so it's going to take you a long time to get not fat ... but you started down the road to being healthier and that's pretty awesome of you!

 

Surely this method of deciding if you're fat or not will not always work. Some people have a distorted sight or a bad mirror. Asking others if they think you're fat or not is not helpful either: they will generally say something you would like to hear. Not very nice.

 

If you're a body builder or some other type of sportsman, getting on your scales to see how much you weigh, they will not tell you anything either. So how do you know if you're fat for real? (Actually you might already know deep in side if you're fat or not. Your doctor and other people might have dropped some hints about your weight.)

 

You might look at people who have a smaller body frame than yours for the about same height. And when you look at them you might think "how nice must it be to be able to move so fast without getting tired so soon."

But do you know what these thoughts are? Or what they represent? They represent self - body shaming. You're shaming yourself. By doing so, you allow others to shame you for your weight as well.

 

It is you who needs to stop the self hating and shaming first. Only then you'll feel empowered to demand this treatment from others. But this won't happen now when you read this blog entry, it won't happen overnight [though it would be really nice if it did]. It will happen ONLY when you realize the truth in these words and when you're ready to make peace with yourself.

 

I don't have a magic pill, but you have the magic pill. Better said, your mind does. They say that God works in mysterious ways, but the mind is possibly 10 times more mysterious.


 

I think it's time to think a bit about the other people. Those labeled as 'skinny' or even 'underweight.' Do you think it's easy for them to be that way? For some, yes it is, because of their build. And WE ALL need to stop shaming them for weighing too little.

 

They too have problems, especially those who go on extreme diets: they get easily cold when it rains or in winter. The wind could blow them away - hell, it nearly took me away on several occasions. They can get easily tired because their bodies don't have enough stored energy. The list could still continue, but it will stop here.

 

It is really NOT OK to laugh at other people no matter how they look. It is really not OK to tell them in a masked way, that because they don't fit into a mold they can't be happy. They can be! Many of them are! Next time, before you engage in laughing and pointing to a fat or skinny person, ask yourself:

 

  • "What do I have to gain by pointing their body frame out, especially if I can't use magic to make them look 'better'?"
  • "How does their weight affect MY life in any way?"
  • "Will they instantly lose/gain enough weight so they'll look the way I want them to look, so I'll accept them?

I plan on writing some tips on how you can lose weight without an extreme diet or surgery. I also plan on writing about the reason I gained 7 kg too, sometimes soon.

 

Don't be a mean person, be kind and a better person!


©2013 - present Charly Cross. All rights reserved.

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